Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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