wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
