you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
