I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
