If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
