the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
