Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize