Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize