So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize