he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
