I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
