Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize