pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
