I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
