i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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