Ambien. No doubt about it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
