Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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