Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
