I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
