A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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