Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
