I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
