Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
