Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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