My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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