Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
