Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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