I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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