Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
