You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
