Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize