He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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