I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
