That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
