If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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