no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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