Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
