On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
