I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
