You're my little dorito
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize