i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
