i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
