I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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