Duck Duck Cougar?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
