Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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