we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i permit you to call me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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