Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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