two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
