my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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