Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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