we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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