i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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