A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
