I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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