First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
