We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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