How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
