So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
