Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
