Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
