remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
