I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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