Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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