You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
