I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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