White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
