oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
