thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
