I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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