Im at strip club and am horny
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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