i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize