If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
