she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
