she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize