Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
