I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
