Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
