My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
