im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
