drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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