Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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