You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
