ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
