is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
