I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
