Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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