After last night, I could never be a politician.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize