she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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