remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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