He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize