One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize