I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
