he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
