When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize