Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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