I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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