i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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