Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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