I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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